Spotlight - Behind the song (part 1)

Photo: Jacob Simpson

I once heard a pilot talk about something they learned in flight training: trust your instruments and your training, especially when you're experiencing vertigo. If you feel like you're upside down but your instruments say you're level with the horizon, don't start jerking the controls. (wheel? helm? Only fighter-planes have a stick, so what's that thing in a commercial jet called?)

The bottom line is that despite what Star Wars fans might tell you, you can't always trust your feelings. Or, put more clearly: our feelings are real and purposeful, but they can't be our final decision-makers.

I guess that's not a super popular idea in 2020, but then again, was it ever? And on top of that it probably sounds pretty weird for an artist to say it. Aren't us creative-types supposed to feel even more deeply than other people? I don't really think that's true, but sometimes I sure feel like it is. But feeling deeply doesn't mean you always let that drive your life. And on the flip-side, doing your best to make wise decisions doesn't mean that you don't still feel deeply.

I wrote "Spotlight" while singing in the car and thinking about being honest about my experiences. To be more specific, I was thinking about how honesty is what people always say they want from a musician, but there are a lot of different ideas about what that means. Occasionally as an artist there are those people that just seem to want your ugly or nothing at all.

I want to be honest and genuine, I also want to help people. I want to help them move "onward and upward" past just their immediate emotions. Ultimately, I get to choose what I give my focus to, no matter what I'm going through. I get to choose what to give the spotlight to in my life, and that's true for everyone.

"I got up on the stage, and it did not feel a thing like it was supposed to."  There are a lot of ideas about what performing music is supposed to be like. Sometimes the real thing meets those expectations, but other times it doesn't feel that great. I've played concerts where my stage mix barely sounded like music, instead it was more like a bunch of instruments that just happened to be playing (loudly) at the same time. Maybe I was just hungry, hot, or tired from moving equipment, or maybe I really needed to go to the bathroom.

In those moments I have had to fall back on my training: Breathe. Listen for the queues. Don't oversing or overplay. I've  thought I performed terribly, but then had an audience member tell me how much they enjoyed it. In weird little moments like that the irony often felt thicker than the relief.

"I can't trust the feelings that are screaming for the spotlight, 'cause if I had, would not have made it here. You can say that everything is crashing for a moment, or shut your mouth and then say something clear."

Life can sometimes feel like vertigo or a noisey stage. That's when we have to go back to the Word of God and live by the truth of wisdom.

Angry at someone in traffic or the person that did you wrong? You still gotta forgive 'em. Already made a commitment, but something else came up you'd rather do? You gotta go with your first word, or ask to be excused knowing that the final decision isn't up to you. Attracted to that person, but know it's a bad road? You gotta move on. Know what God says about it, but your feelings are running the other way? Dig your heels in.

I go a little deeper in the second verse, which I haven't talked about much. And you may be surprised to hear this, but God can relate to your feelings more than you've probably ever realized. But we'll talk about that stuff next time in part 2.

Onward and Upward >:)
-SD

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